But…is it not my fault I was at uncle’s place that day? He had been making passes at me earlier and I knew he wanted something but I just felt since we are family, even if he wants, he can’t get it because family tie, blood ought to be stronger than…this. Everything is so unfair to me. How can my parents just turn their backs on me? Okay, forget them. It’s not too late. Perhaps I try social workers, they should be able to do something; perhaps support me in taking care of the child and my health.(sigh) But my health…I’m not sick, am I? I know I've been thinking non-stop, not eating well, not sleeping well. All I do is stay in my room and think. Hmm, I've thought of ‘borrowing’ from my parents and running away. I've even considered suicide but I’m yet to do any of those. I think I’m stable. I’m still good.
But, shouldn't I get help? What about social welfare care? No! What I need is therapy. Go see a psychologist. (hehehehe), psych-wetin? Social workers are social gossipers and psychologists are i-too-know do-gooders. No one can help me. I’m so alone.
Okay, how about going to church? Surely pastor can help? If only with money? That idea of running away can be realized if I run to a church and tell parts of my story. No way! I am no charity case. I will not go begging, I will not go pleading, I will not go crying, I will not bother anyone! I can take care of myself. (Jerks up) Come to think it, it is this same pride that stopped me from telling my parents immediately I was raped. The I-can-take-care-of-it-myself mind-set. It’s the same thing that happened to me when I discovered I was pregnant, till my folks found out at 5 months It’s the same thing happening now. My pride may just be the end of me if I don’t do anything about it. I think I need help; I should get it
No! I do not need help, at least not the one I can’t get on my own.(sigh) Nobody cares, no one; all those people, charity organizations, welfare system, therapists, and psychologists…none of them. None of them.
Is it not amazingly depressing how people do not think there is help anywhere even with those who offer a helping hand? What could probably be the cause of this?Many offering lip-service?
To those in need of one help or the other, I want you to know that help will come to those who seek it. First, you have to be willing. Next, you have to take a leap of faith; trust those who stand visibly to help people, those who the society or whose works can vouch for, more importantly, trust the creator. He never forgets his own. For victims of oppression and any form of abuse, help is made available if you will seek it. Self-diagnosis is good to an extent but there are some things that are hidden from the self which professionals and people who care will help you see and solve. It is time to stop struggling to hold on, trying to fix things, operating on self-sufficiency while working the bottling company trying to keep everything in and tight. I repeat again because it is true, help is made available to those who seek it. With much love…be free.
Life is not an easy matter... You cannot live through it without falling into frustration and cynicism unless you have before you a great idea which raises you above personal misery, above weakness, above all kinds of perfidy and baseness~Leon Trotsky
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